As it stands, the Miami Heat are in no place to win the championships this year. With a win-loss record of 44-38, Heat fans everywhere are saddened to see that the chances of a fourth championship title are looking slim. The optimism about this season’s team that kickstarted the season has crumbled into dust, lowering morale all around. According to credible sources*, three of their players are sidelined with injuries, leading to-

What’s that? Oh. Ohhhhhhhh...

Ok, from the top. Basically, it’s because of a sudden and unexpected heat wave that probably shouldn’t happen this early in the year because of climate change, it is. Heat waves occur when high pressure in the atmosphere traps hot air on the ground and forces the air to stay there. Because of the high pressure, the hot air can’t rise, and therefore can’t dissipate to cool down the area. This is why it stays uncomfortably hot at nighttime during a heat wave. Over time, though, the high pressure in the atmosphere will dissipate and the hot air will be able to freely rise, returning the affected area to normal temperatures.

This past heat wave was a historic one for the Pacific Northwest. Multiple records were broken, including Portland’s highest temperature ever recorded on May 14th and 15th, peaking at 93° and 92° respectively. Other records were broken, of course, but none as notable as those**.

Oh, before I go, I should mention that Jonah said he would give me a donut if I wrote an article for Lynxfeed using the computer in his basement, but that was four hours ago, and he hasn’t checked on my progress once. I think I heard the lock click as he left. Any suggestions?

*The five minutes of googling i did for this bit
**Half true, but the seattle times also said i had reached my daily limit of free articles when i tried to find the records so no specifics for you
Also that last paragraph was a joke no one is holding Nolan anywhere I promise